looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
