Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His nipple licking is glorious
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
