you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
