feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
