It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
