Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
