It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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