There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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