You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
