I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
