I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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