no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
