we have pet lesbian snakes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
