I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
