the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
