That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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