His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
