i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
