Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
