Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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