I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
