In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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