Cold hands, warm shart.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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