Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
