You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
