last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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