I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
