Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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