Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
