she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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