last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
