sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Found your dick twin last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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