The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
