I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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