I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
