it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
