When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
