my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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