idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude. I can hear the air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
