I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
