She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize