Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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