please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
