You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
