im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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