it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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