I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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