he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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