People in love make me want to vomit
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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