Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
