Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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