1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
