She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
