Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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