Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
