New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
