Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
