I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
