Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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