i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
