if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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