Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
