You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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