I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
