i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
