Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
