he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
do nipples grow back?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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