loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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