I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
