please come you make the beer taste better
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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