My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
