Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
