i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
