She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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