Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
