You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
