Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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