After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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